What the !#$%@#$ Did I Just Watch?!

Remember Home Alone? That family friendly movie with the kooky kid and incompetent robbers? Yeah, that movie’s great. Now take Home Alone, and add blood. Lots of it. Now you have the 1½ hour long limb-losing bonanza called The Collection.

Now before I begin going into any more detail about the film, I must inform you that originally it was fellow news club extraordinaire Andrea Bilton and her friend Ally Knight, both juniors, who started watching it. But within the first 10 minutes, I was forced to turn it off by both of them. I believe some quotes from Andrea were, “WHY WOULD SOMEONE MAKE THIS??” and “I WANNA WATCH MY DISNEY!!”

Now that that’s off my chest, on with the review. The Collection, directed by Marcus Dunstan and released in 2012 (now On Demand), is a gore fest with a leather-masked serial killer known as The Collector. It’s a sequel to an equally bloody film The Collector. Our tough female heroine is Elena, who is invited out to a new unknown club by her friend. Elena begins to party completely responsibly until she sees her boyfriend making out with another woman. She pops him in the nose then her friend flips him off (#teamwork.) After entering the bathroom, Elena stumbles upon a large red trunk which is moving and yelling. Due to this being a horror movie, where characters always seem to do stupid things, she opens the box. Out comes Arkin, our beat-up protagonist from the first movie and a former captive of The Collector. The opening of this box sets off a series of gears and cogs wired around the club and have you ever wondered what steak would look like if you put in in a garbage disposal? Well that’s what you’re going to witness once this trap begins to hit the dance floor.

So after we can no longer find anybody in the club with bottles full of bub, Elena is captured by The Collector and brought to his “not” murder dungeon. Arkin is contracted by Elena’s father to help find Elena since he is the only man to ever escape the killer. Arkin and a team of highly trained mercenaries, otherwise known as the ones who are going to die in the movie, enter The Collector’s quaint two bedroom, half bath cottage. Just kidding the place is an abandoned motel with a murder hole! I’m serious; there’s just a hole with dead bodies that he disposed of in his lair. The movie really starts here so I’ll give you the Sparknotes so you can watch it yourself: impalement, razor net, spiked coffin, drugged-out zombie people with doll masks, fun with meat hooks, blood, rebreaking a compound fracture, blood, blood, explosions, slo-mo, blood.

So if crimson-soaked, escape action movies interest you, then watch The Collection before the Halloween season is over. But be warned, you’ll never look at steak the same way again.

PS. This movie is rated R, for mature audiences only. So legally, only the seniors can watch this.

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